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Tis I, your most exalted, or is that exhausted, beloved (and I'll accept no substitutes) and adored (because we all know how bad your eyesight is) firstborn sibling. Wanted to let you know that I'm home from the hospital (as of about 1 pm yesterday) and is it good to be home again - can't say in one piece, cause I left pieces I am no longer interested in with people that wanted to play with them (they called their games biopsies). Just so you know for the next time they get personal and want your genetic family "history," as they euphemistically like to call it. It seemed that the saga started with a massive bacterial infection in the colon, which somehow passed to the ovaries, had a happy little party in the open areas of the abdomen (thought I had no open areas, but what do I know), segued on over to the other reproductive organs and just encapsulated it all while the bacterial infection grew and grew. Now me, being doctor-phobic, naturally thought that the hives that accompanied the beginning of the PAIN indicated an escalation of my "over-40 allergies" saga indicated an allergy attack that internalized, and treated it accordingly. Some of the pain and all of the hives gone within 6 days, I thought I knew what I was about - should have been the first sign.. Most of the lower pelvic pain and all of the other nasty symptoms (involving liquids exiting from the body in place they're not supposed to) and an abortive attempt to work (and when I can't work we all know I'm SICK), I did the next logical step (stop laughing). I went to my local Jewel Osco and spoke with the on duty pharmacist who told me this had been going on too long and to get myself to the doctor. Went home, informed the inner circle of the circumstances and they hauled my unresisting self to the emergency room. Ok, I figured, a hand full of antibiotics and a couple of days recuperating, and I'll be back in business. Will you stop that incessant laughing!! 8 days later, all reproductive organs removed, abdomen and colon cleaned out like you would never want to see done (except maybe as one of the forms of cruel and unusual punishments they can legally met out to serial murders) and I'm home. I will be home for at least another three weeks before I'm allowed to return to work. I'm not allowed to drive for another week (staples come out Wednesday) because of the really good happy pills they let me bring home - they give you dry mouth, but what a trade off. Well, just wanted you to know that the only thing these very talented, very educated (as best in the region) cancer doctors (which is what they first thought I had - cancer of either the colon or the ovaries) couldn't figure out is how the infection spread from the colon to the ovaries with my having had diverticulitus (some way the colon can pass an infection from inside the colon to other internal organs). Now the three doctors all agree that diverticulitus generates intense PAIN, so the original PAIN that I took for an internalized allergy attack could have been diverticulitus, but by the time I got my happy little self to them all signs had disappeared into the colon smashed up against the backbone by the abdominal infection and subsequent colon hinking, kinking, spasms before refusing to work joy I was experiencing when they saw me. Beginning to end: less than 3 weeks. All in all, I am one very lucky person - it wasn't cancer and it has been treated. Keep an eye on your colon's health; I'm here to tell you it doesn't talk at you much so when it does, don't mistake it's voice. The moral of the saga: be nice to your Osco pharmacist, she may just save your life. Love, BLS  
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